Changing of the Guard

The Vetts National Masters

Well it’s cricket season and the way the season has gone so far it was a relief to be attending the table tennis rather than listening to the sound of leather on willow (but enough of Silky’s fetishes for now!).   The entry was massive (again not just Silk, Joey Kennedy, Brooksy and Trott) but in terms of volume it was the largest entry of the season and the organisers certainly had their work cut out.

 

First up was a group with Gerald Hawkins (who to be fair was struggling and moved like Prof Steve Hawking),  Chris Whale (no comment) and looper/chopper/lobber Smoking Dave Fraser. John Hook was involved at some point but he was fobbed off to another group.  Fraser was a tricky opponent and perhaps deserved to knick an end against Trott , but both he and Trott  were just that little bit better than Hawkins and Whale who fought out a valiant battle for third place.

 

Silky was in a tough group with Hong “Kong Fooey”  Choy, Manchesters own mastermind Wayne Percival and the dogged Barry Turner.  Barry seemed a bit caught in headlights against Silk and Percival but battled hard with Choy.  Silky for once changed his game to cope with Choy as he went 2-0 down before slow looping to the penholders backhand to come through 3-2. Choy then blocked and flat hit through Percival and Silk looked like topping the group as he slapped all of Percivals loops wide to his forehand. It was the turn of Wayne to use his head

as he slowed the game down and pushed more down the middle, and this tactic prevailed as he came through 3-2. Choy however topped the group with Silk in 2nd place.

 

Lampwick Welsman was through his 50’s and 60’s group comfortably but wife Maggie promptly froze to a loss against the far younger Pam Butcher (or was it Pat Butcher?) Maggie still qualified comfortably in both her age groups, as did Kenny Philipson.

 

Doubles next and Trott and Eddie Smith were straightforward winners over the consistent Mark “Billy boy” Brookes and the happy slapping John Collymore, before taking on another midland pair in Andy Dixon and Paul Myatt.   Leg 1 was no problem as the favourites cruised through 11-4, but Eddie’s famous attention span kicked in legs 2 and 3 and we were 7-1 down both times before coming back to lose 9 and 9. Coach/motivator/minder Tony Gelder was imploring Smith to get his a??e in gear and this worked for 1 leg as the match was levelled.  Good start to leg 5?, well it was for Dixon/Myatt as they went 5-1 and disastrously 9-1 up. A mixture of good play and squeaky bum time got the score back to 9-8 and a good point left Smith with an easy put away that he unfortunately top edged into the top row of the stands.  10-8 then and a nervous Dixon hit a nice serve down the line to Trott, unfortunately he supposed to be serving diagonally to Smith. 10-9 and another long serve was looped into the stands by Smith as Dixon/Myatt took the match.  Trumpauskas/Venner  were as expected moving serenely to the final, but the normal form pair of Bartram/Harris were again unseeded (cmon Neil pull your figure out and win some singles and then you’ll get a doubles seeding).  They came through against all opponents to face the number one seeds in the final (to be played on the Sunday).  The only shock in the forties was Richard Lightowler losing in his group to go through as runner-up (which left the Trumpauskas quarter of the draw devoid of any top seeds).  Welsman/Short came through a controversial encounter with Collins/Holman in the 60’s doubles before an epic semi-final encounter with Salter/Clarke to set up a 60’s doubles final with Hill/Norton.

 

After the tiring day Trott and chauffeur silk retired to the local cricket ground to catch up on Thornbury versus Keynsham in the Western League. We sank a couple of sherbets and watched some lusty blows before moving on to the Aztec where (after a curry with Northerners the McVities and Al Thompson)  we saw some lusty ladies and sank low in our seats. Now a little birdy had said Trott had a tough draw (Clements, then potentially McVitie, Smith and the Trump) so tactic no 1 was to get McVitie pi??ed. This didn’t work as after a recent heart scare good old Daz retired to bed after the meal. There was no plan B, just turn up and see how it goes, but only after a quick visit to the Aztec disco.  There were a couple of interesting points here, both appearing out of the top half of a certain Yorkshire lasses dress, and another colleague of mine was taking a keen interest (possible a fetish) in another Yorkshire lass’s shoes.  I was by now tired and emotional, possibly missing the regular drinking partners heaps, alsop and minder scope, and went to bed early at 1.45, Silk was a little later possibly revelling in the fact he might be out of the tournament by 9.15 the next day.

 

Trott had a bye and was on at 10am, Silk in contrast went through this entire animal repertoire of snoring and still awoke at 06.45 and was raring to go.  Of course a bit like Bagpuss once he’s wake everyone else has to be and so after breakfast we were at the venue at 8.30. Sadly for Silky, and despite a good showing and chances in the 4th, he succumbed 3-1 to 12th seed Darren Griffin and could have still made breakfast at McDonalds.  I watched potential last 32 opponent Brian “Basher” Clements dismantle the fearsome Jimmy Brewster 3-0 and noticed he preferred a fast and flat game rather than slow and spinny. Well slow and spinny got me through the first against Brian 11-4, but then I lapsed into his game to lose 11-9, before remembering the tactics to triumph 5 and 6. McVitie had beaten a weary Neil Harris comfortably but then had a tougher battle with wily chopper Mick Wilcockson to face Trott in the last 16.  This was cagy one with Darren a straightforward winner over Trott in British League in early 2009, 1 year later Trott took the first 11-7 as Darren struggled with his timing and gifted a few cheap points. Game 2 was even cagier with no real rallies , whoever got in won the point and nothing really flowed. It was tight 9-9 and 10-10 before again a couple of misses went Trott’s way.  Game three was the same story,  a fairish crowd was watching (2 men and a dog, but the dog soon turned it’s attention to Pugh versus Venner) and a couple of backhand misses from Darren gave  Trott the match 11-7.  Daz was disappointed but gracious in defeat and wished Trott well against fellow northerner Smith. 

 

On the next table Simon Pugh was pulling out all the stops to lead 2-1 and 7-5 versus Richie Venner and he proved this was no fluke with steady controlled play to wrap up the match.  Jimmy Walsh was also 2-1 against holder Keith Williams, but champ that he is Keith clawed back to 2-2 and 8-7 down. At this point as he prepared to serve an alarm or ring of some kind went off that clearly affected the point and from 9-7 Jimmy came through for his first ever win against a far from sharp Keith (Keith then pulled out of the 50’s due to shoulder trouble). Richard Lightowler went down 3-0 to Chris Bartram (it looked closer than that) and Eddie Smith was through 3-0 verus Darren Griffin (although again Darren had his chances).  So after a some bat testing the quarters were Trott/Smith,   Bushell/Trump,  Pugh/Wuraola, Walsh/Bartram.  Fast Eddie was a little lacklustre and by getting in Trott took the first 11-5.  All going to plan at 6-4 in the 2nd but suddenly the leg was gone 11-6 (a combination of a few misses and Eddie finally finding some confidence with his loop).   A good start to the third for Trott meant a commanding lead and the leg, and the same in the 4th 6-1 meant Eddie had to chance his arm.  Luck at the right times played it’s part but Eddie struggled to dominate once the first ball had been spun to him and a 3-1 loss resulted.   Bushell was even in the early stages with Trump, but had neither the tight serves or big shot to make Trump pay and went down 3-0.  Bartram was too strong for Jimmy Walsh 3-1 but Pugh was putting up a hell of a fight against the attack of Wuraola. Simon served tightly, spun when he could,  and also controlled the Wuraola attack well with his block , but ultimately it went the way of Abdul 11-9 in the fifth. Abdul took on Bartram and Chris was in from the word go to pressure Abdul and take a 2-0 lead. Abdul hit back (just) to take the third, but Chris just kept coming with constant forehand looping to take it 3-1.  The other semi was a Trump/Trott re-match (currently 1-1) with Trump confidant of making the final.  First game was very close, 10-9 to Trump and a serve was caught by Trott who thought it had been hit into the Trump body. Let played and Trump took  the opener 11-9, disappointing but not the end of the world. Trott was struggling with the Trump serve and always retrieving and dogging out every point,  whereas off  his own serve he could get in and loop.  The match went on like this for all 5 sets (the only difference was leg 4 where Trump kept out blitzing everything and stormed it 11-5).  The game was locked at 8-8 with Trott to serve. Short serve , push return, loop 9-8. Shorter serve, push return, flick kill 10-8. Lol at 8-10, serve, push, missed loop and match to Trott. Apparently it was a very good match, all I remember is that it was tense and tiring.

 

So to the final that apparently everyone (well everyone who spoke to Chris and I) wanted. Well Trott was 0 and 2 to Chris but getting better at reading the serves anyway! First game was tense and tight at 6-6 before 2 nets to Chris gave him the cushion he needed to take it 11-7.  Game 2 was tighter, Trott was returning better but couldn’t seem to serve short enough to stop Chris getting in, 10-9 to Chris and Trott misread a serve to go 2-0 down.  Now its desperate and even more so at 8-4 down, but coach Welsman appears in the nick of time and with a bit of tension in Chris’s arm Trott claws back to 8-8 and then takes the leg with the help of an edge 11-9. Leg 4 and Trott went ahead 5-2 (mainly by retrieving but also by trying to counterspin the Bartram loop) but there was never more than 3 in it as Trott took it 11-8.

Well all to play for and it was 5-4 at ends and all tied up again at 9-9.  A nice flick by Chris took the edge for a match point but he graciously pushed the next Trott serve long for deuce.  Boy was it tense now! 

A Bartram serve was then flicked long and a Trott serve pushed then spun back to Chris who netted the return. 11-11 and amazingly Trott got in and forced Chris back and wide to his forehand , Chris retrieved but Trott had the put away down the line for match point but disastrously looped into the net. Not sure of the last point but I think it was serve and loop into the net to allow Chris the championship at 13-11 (I’m sure someone will send me the video!).   Again apparently a good match and possibly a changing of the order (though I’m sure Trump, Abdul , Richie, Keith and Eddie  and will have something to say about that).  

 

The doubles finals took place as well,  Venner/Trump were favourites but Chris /Neil Harris just kept going and clawed back from 2-0 to level at 2-2 before then coming back from 6-2 in the decider. The Venner/Trump combo took it just 11-9 in another good final.  Welie and Shorty (probably a cabaret double act) took the 60’s against Hill and Norton and I think Johns/Eck were playing the 50’s.

 

So to Trott’s specialist event the mixed.  First up were Di (Pearce) and Pain(y), now as you know John likes a moan and so we played on one of the darker tables and got loads of nets/edges to go through 3-0 (sorry you 2!). Next up was Ivan “Pimpled Slapper” Lewis and Carol Homewood, now Trott was knackered by now and didn’t want the 4 leg match that this turned into, but was happy come through 3-1. This was a tough competition, Kennedy/Huang lost a thriller 11-8 in the fifth to Johns/Sheilds,  Mrs Johns/Venner lost 3-1 to “Last to bed” Linda and Mark Land, Eddie “I’m never drinking with you again” Herrity and Jan Brown knocked out Abdul and Sandra Rider.  The Ecks knocked out Sanja Clements and Clive Carthy 11-9 in the fifth and then did the same to Bartram and Jackie Williams (though once again Jackie had trouble with her slapping!).  So Trott/Collier had to get past Johns and Shields to face the Ecks in the final and they started well with an 11-7 opener. The problem however,  was that Helen was playing very well, returning serve well and getting her forehand or backhand in when she could. Brian was taking the ball at the top of the bounce and giving no-one any time and the next 2 legs went the way of Johns/Shields. A slight change in tactics squared the match 2-2, but the fifth (well why would it be otherwise) was tight and locked at 10-10. There were missed serves, nervy pushes and match points for both sides, before at 14-14 Trott wrong-footed the run around Johns off a shields serve and Johns then missed a loop as the match slipped away 16-14.  Now the final was a bit more straightforward as Nigel tends to go back rather than counter spin and this gave Trott the time he needed to loop, and Sue put anything else way.  Match and NATIONAL title to Collier/Trott 3-0 (well I didn’t want to lose 2 finals did I!)

 

Sue had a good day beating both Shu Haung and Sanja Clements 3-0 to regain her title.  Brian (looking very red faced) won the 50’s 3-0 against Joey K, and wife Jan made it a family double with a 3-1 win over Maggie Welsman. Sadly Maggie also lost the 60’s singles on expedite to Penny Perry.   

 

Other news Wayne Percival is still scouring the hall looking for a one armed bloke called John Hook, Jackie Williams is looking for a coaching manual that describes the forehand smash, Eddie Smith is apparently looking for some energy and poor old Daz McVitie is looking to avoid Indian restaurants.

 

Finally a big thank you to Eileen Shaler, Tim Harris, Phil Slade and the lady on the end (sorry don’t know your name) for organising the whole thing and remaining calm on a very hot and humid day.

 

See you all at Halifax?